me.

hey.

look at me. i'm who i'm.

the one you've known me since 2 years ago.

you may not really know me well

you may not really try hard to understand me.

but, please. accept me as who i'm like i accept you as who you are.

feel so down and sad actually.

i know you are trying to convince me,

telling me that this is not a proper way to take care of myself,

but still i cannot accept the way you used to treat me.

why don't you tell me directly if you really concern about me?

no doubt, i will be very touched for your care.

but tonight, guess i'm too wrong to care about you so much!

i never tell you how important your word is meant to me,

i never tell you how much i care about how you look at me,

i'm trying hard to be independent, to be more mature

i'm trying hard to live my life, be myself

i want you to know that i'm actually care about you so so much.

but, why?

did you realize about it?

i've put effort, i really did.

i don't care how much i did, i don't even care whether it is worth or not,

i just want you to know about it.

i might look like a child, but i'm not childish.

i listen to you, i'm improving myself.

i know you don't like me to have the negative thinking,

you said you want someone to cheer you since you are already a very negative mindset people.

i'm trying to make our distance closer,

but you are again breaking it.

tonight, i've lost all the confidence.

if you really care about me, you will never choose not to reply my text.

because he is your friend, so i listen to his advice.

because he is your friend, so i'm try to explain.

i don't want any misunderstanding happened.

i want to know what and how you think about me.

i know you will definitely keep silent if you realize something is goes wrong.

but guess, i did wrong again.

i should not ask so much.

what i want is a very simple relationship.

what i want to do is to appreciate you people around me.

what i want is pamper people that i love.

that's all!

love me for who i'm.

i'm not a perfect person.

but still i'll be myself.

try to understand me before you wanna judge on me.

thanks for let me realize the problem.

thanks for discuss me and let me know about it.

i wont get mad, i wont angry. i will listen to any advice and comment,

if it is really good for me.

but still i'm hoping you to understand me.

i mind the way you treat me.and i care the way you judge me.

tonight, i be honest to myself, ya, i care everything about you.

but, sorry if i'm not the perfect one.

i just have to accept the fact that you does not really like me.

tonight, i promise myself,

be myself but at the same time not too over.

i will change all the bad attitude. not only for others but for myself.

love me, for me.

take it, or leave it.

Kay Elle♥

i'm back!!♥ ♥ ♥

hallo, people, i'm back to Penang.

time flies, end my 6 days holidays, and back to school tomorrow. :(

sob sob, iam super super lazy to go to college.

that's why i hate short holiday, it made me bcm more lazy.

guess others are already started to do their assignment,

but what i had done for investigation assignment?

NOTHING! god, why am i so lazy?

feels so stressed because this assignment is damn not easy,

but, besides scare and worry, i do nothing. :((

after back from kay elle, i promise that i will start to do assignment.

last sem already, it's really not much time for me to waste anymore.

PHOTO TALKS.

guess everyone is familiar with this building, right?

this is the view from the room,

i super like the condo, the house

but the rental is extremely high,

im not able to afford it if im going to kay elle work in da future.

thanks for let me stay at this such nice place in this few days.

appreciate. :)

this is how the room looks like.

the window is face to the KLCC.

capture from the toilet.

actually, i likes x100 the toilet. haha

FULL HOUSE.

finally, i've a chance to visit there.

i love the environment, so warm and nice.

although the food is just so so only.

never mind, the environment is still attract me.

mini mini cooper, capture by someone.

thanks the camera man.

i love this picture muchies.

here we are. full house.

he is the tourist guide for this trip.

thanks for bring me along this few days. kl lang.

Iam feel so embarrassed to him,

i know he is busy, but still acc me walk around.

sorry for bother you this few days.

Iphone4 as an extra small bonus for you.

but i think i did not create any problem to you, right? lol

thanks yaa. do really appreciated :)

Tang Tang, what is this?

STICKY.

thanks yaa.

purposely bring me go to buy this.

i super super super like it!! this is just so sweet la.

here i am.

no doubt.

the room light is very suitable to take picture. :D

okay. end my post here.

what i want to say is,

i do really happy with the short trip.

although i'm still have to face the same problem after i'm back to town,

but at least, i had a very nice time at there.

i hope that, you're happy with it too.

ya, i know i looks horrible without makeup.

what the..........

but,

people likes to see me with this kinda pure face sometimes also. :)

time to sleep.

good night.

love.

幸福

其實, 有時候真的不要想太多是最好的.

只要這一刻覺得幸福就好.

這樣, 我也會比較開心一點.

幸福, 我幸福了嗎?

我不懂.

有時很甜, 有時很苦.

有時很明確, 有時很模糊.

這一種忽冷忽熱的感覺, 最讓人受不了.

或許說穿了, 我並不是享受被愛或愛人,

我只是愛上了依賴.

不想失去這一種依賴.

我並不是真的很在乎,

我只是喜歡在乎和被在乎的感覺.

我是自私的. 我從不認我偉大.

如果一開始就不能保證一直都可以這樣對我,

為什麼當初要給我這樣的承諾?

一些隨便開口說出來的承諾, 會讓我深信不疑.

會讓我一直都看重.

我就是一個這樣的女生.

總是學不會如何去看得開.

總是學不會如何不去在乎那麼多.

一直為了同樣的問題在煩惱, 其實清楚知道這根本就解決不了.

很多的不確定, 很多的為什麼, 但我知道已經改變不了的.

是我太天真的以為, 吵一吵, 然後再冷靜個幾小時, 然後再低聲下氣

然後再開開玩笑, 這樣又會沒事了.

其實, 根本就沒有那麼簡單的事情.

有什麼那麼複雜的嗎?

有! 是什麼? 你和我懂就好.

離開啦,真的離開啦.

這一次, 我帶著很複雜的心情離開.

開心, 因為我有滿滿已經安排好的節目

謝謝你願意配合我, 抽出幾天的時間出來. 有點感動.

我想, 這樣放鬆一下, 是可以讓自己透透氣的好方法.

這2個月來,發生太多的事情, 太多的不安全, 太多的吵吵鬧鬧,太多的改變了.

我根本不能, 也不願意去接受這一切改變.

但是, 我無能為力.

take a break, 我真的很想很想可以靜下來, 松一松.

我把這2個月的時間填的滿滿的, 我很怕我自己有空下來.

當我很空閒的時候, 別人卻忙得一點時間都不能留給我,

那種感受, 很讓人討厭. 也讓我反感.

這一次離開, 不是沒有骨氣, 是真的很反感跟這一些事情.

說再多, 也就只是廢的. 我想逃避才是真的.

不開心, 是因為在離開的前一個晚上, 我還真的一直猶豫不決.

我想, 有個人可以幫我做決定.

我想, 有個人可以改變我的決定.

我1516的, 想了很久很久.

最諷刺的是, 到最後讓我決定還是離開的原因竟然是這樣.

我不知道我會不會後悔, 但已經決定了就不要再改變了.

真的希望, 這一步我是開心的踏出去, 不會狼狽的滾回來就好. :)

今晚, 我做了一件連我自己都會很討厭的事情.

對不起, 除了道歉, 我真的不懂我可以說什麼.

對不起!

我知道, 你很不喜歡這樣, 你會很生氣. 甚至很恨我這樣做.

我常埋怨別人不懂得體諒我, 不懂得站在我的立場想.

我常在投訴, 別人做什麼讓我生氣, 讓我不開心.

但我這一次, 卻做出了連自己都會很生氣的事情.

對不起!

當下. 你說, 該怎麼說? 我們還是靜靜的聽歌就好.

我想要說點話哄你, 但我知道, 如果角色對換, 你一樣也不知道該說什麼的.

總之, 我就是把事情搞砸了.

你應該很生氣, 但你卻收起脾氣. 沒有罵我, 沒有兇.

我想解釋說, 我們很難得可以碰到一個時間, 大家都配合得到.

真的真的, 我們快一個多月沒見面了.

我不是說因為這樣的理由就把責任推得一干二淨.

我知道我還是做錯了.

我有嘗試兩全其美, 但我失敗了. 我應該懂你的不喜歡的.

但偏偏我忽略了你真正反感的事情.

你說, 明白. 知道我們很久沒見了, 所以懂得我想見面的意思.

但因為要成全我想要的, 而忽略了你不想要的.

我知道, 我錯得很過分!

你為了晚餐, 特意的把工作在下午趕完.

我知道你很忙很忙, 我還特意在見面的前一個晚上問你, 是不是真得趕得及?

我知道你很盡力的想把工作趕完, 不想留下任何的文件帶回家.

知道你趕著回家, 我還刻意的損你說, 每次都是我等你.

連那10分鐘我都開始不高興了.

但接下來發生的事.............我知道沒得打平手.

對不起!

我真的答應, 不會. 我不會讓這樣的事情再發生.

對~~~~~~不~~~~~~~起.

拼什麼

說多了,

人家說: 都不知道搞什麼的, 越來越任性.

問多了,

人家說: 都不懂你到底要怎麼樣, 什麼都要管.

用什麼語氣說話, 我控制不了.

心情好壞, 我喜歡用怎樣的方式說話, 是我的自由.

想了想, 我不知道自己在拼什麼.

你的一堆理由, 我聽來聽去, 真的連回應都變安靜了.

我應該很獨立才是.

生病了也不要祈求別人會來照顧你.

病了好多天, 生活除了睡, 吃, 躺, 時間到就吃藥以外, 我悶了3天.

3天裡, 我有的就是真的只有放工的幾分鐘.

我如果投訴了, 會不會換來的又是那些難聽的話?

我想了很久, 很難過得了心裡的那一關.

為什麼時間就是滿滿的朋友朋友,還是朋友?

我知道, 連那2天空閒的休假, 也還是一樣滿滿的踢球,打球,開會,課餘活動.

我病了, 應該乖乖在家休息. 所以我一概不參與任何活動.

連觀眾我都不能當.

我不應該生氣, 更不應該發脾氣.

不然無理取鬧的又是我.

活了22年,

大家都說世界末日快到了.

如果是這樣, 那我的生活很可悲.

我沒有嘗試出來社會工作.

雖然身邊已經是社會人士的朋友常跟我抱怨說很辛苦..很煩

但, 這都是人生必經的事情吧.

沒嘗試, 怎麼可能知道自己的能力在哪個程度.

我從不認為自己很能幹, 但與其把太多的時間花在胡思亂想中,

我 難道就是學不會疼自己多一點嗎?

為什麼要在生病的時候表現得那麼脆弱?

想把心底的話說出來,

但我卻發現越說得多, 越是難過.

我真的不喜歡偽裝, 我很累.

但我卻發現越表現的真, 越是難看.

保護自己多一點吧.

問問自己拼些什麼, 我真的不知道.

最寶貝的是你, 讓我最痛的也是你.

:)

又再是一个很晚才回到家的小孩, 我不要长大. :)

每每我说这句话的时候, 我很希望对方都会说,

那就不要长大, 就当个小孩, 就让我疼.

但是, 不可能的. 因为人家喜欢的, 就是独立一点的女生.

就是不喜欢我这一种只想要当一个简单不过,被疼爱的小孩.

多么希望可以像刚才那样,

虽然被骂了, 但骂完我以后还是会摸摸我的头说, 好啦.yang回你啦.

我喜欢这一种感觉, 总是可以好像什么都不用担心, 总是会有人保护着我.

摸摸我的头, 说不哭. 这样的要求都不过分! :((

刚从ot回来, 最近很爱去那边. 不是酒特别好喝, 只是我很喜欢那个女生唱歌.

尤其是那一首: back to december. 本来就很爱.

我的dear说, 唱得比原唱还好. 其实没有那么夸张啦.

只不过第一次在那边听到她唱的时候,

我们2个人是很有默契的同一时间说, 很好听叻.

然后就停止对话, 直到听完整首歌为止.

今晚,很可惜的她没有唱这一首歌.

Dear整晚就是一直在等这一首.

不过我又变心了, 我喜欢她唱: need you now. 了.

所以, 到最后还是喝了.

生病根本就已经不是一个可以阻止人家喝酒的理由了.

当你想喝的时候, 什么都阻止不了你.

烂到连: 你不知道吸烟可以医好感冒的吗? 通鼻耶.

看看, 很明显我比下午看戏的时候还來得更精神.

还有什么理由掰不出来? 厉害厉害.

dear说我假了.

如果我的假, 可以换来不吵架.那我宁愿我假一点.

不喜欢听到谈话中一直都存在着安静的声音.

2个人明明没有话可以说了, 却还是要坚持多想一句的接下去.

很累的.

不喜欢听到那种. 喔我没话说了.

很扫兴的.

但当然我没有笨到这样跟他说. 我只是用了另外一种方式

如果我的笑可以让他一直都很放心的话, 那就没有必要让他知道太多.

就像他渐渐的也不会跟我说太多不开心的事.

报喜不报忧. 很不喜歡這樣子. 像是我什麼都不能為他分憂.

不想要因为像那天那样多口问了一句, 结果又任性的讲了不该讲的话.

结果又是惹到人家脸黑黑. 我虽然没有看到他的脸. 但语气中我就听懂了.

可能很多人,包括身邊的朋友都會覺得我很沒有骨氣

我總是可以原諒了再生氣, 生氣後又原諒

我沒原則, 可以說, 我不想要用那一種原則讓我們2個人都喘不過氣.

他很累的. 我應該要明白他的心情也需要時間恢復.

我總不能一直要他來體諒我, 我卻忽略了我也應該要體諒他的.

如果說我為了一時的骨氣, 傷害了我們一直想要維持的關係

那,真的很不值得.

我相信, 你知道我在堅持些什麼的.

也希望你不要真的濫用我對你的好.

我要睡覺咯, 下雨天, 早點睡覺, 發個美夢.

如果他知道我今晚早睡了, 他肯定就開心了.

好吧好吧, 我久久乖一次. :)